For any of you familiar with the cult TV series, Modern Toss, you'll be familiar with Alan.
Well, its my pleasure to introduce you to the man on whom the character must have been based. An eccentric whose madcap behaviour is often interspersed with acts of total destruction ... often aimed at opposition batsmen but occasionally at his sister's Berkshire home too.
Yes, it's our mate Steve 'Alan' Brackley. Take it away Alan!
Name: Alan
When were you born mate? 8th February 1974
Can you remember where you were born? Sussex
And how do you earn a living? I'm not sure
What do you do cricket-wise then Alan? Trundle left arm half volleys (Blogger note to reader: this is a lie. He's bloody fast!). I do not bat - unless the 'proper' batsmen are **** and get out.
So, that's LF, LHB? Yeah
Do you have a favourite cricket team? Yeah. Whoever I turn out for.
And your favourite cricketer? Douglas Jardine
What's your earliest cricketing memory? Being told it was okay to throw something very hard at someone else.
What's the best and worst grounds you've ever played at? 'Good' grounds are all roads. Where is the fun in that? Arundel is a pretty road though.
Do you have a favourite fielding position? Shade
What's your favourite other sport? Pooh Sticks
Are you any good at it? I go with the flow
What sport do you find most boring? Tricky. Either F1 or football. But I don't really consider either of them sports.
Who is your all-time sporting hero? James Ormond. Or Malcolm Marshall.
What is the strangest or funniest thing you've ever seen on a cricket field? I'm still waiting to see Cat Head Silver Pants take guard
You can have four people to dinner, past or present, who would they be and why? Hendrix, Wilde, Da Vinci and Pocket. Because the first three deserve to meet me. I wouldn't want to be there without Pocket.
Right Alan. We'll just remind the readers that Pocket is your wife. Now you've done really well. So here's your last question.
You've got £100 to spend. What do you buy? Rope. You alright with that yeah?
Yeah. Thanks Alan and please be careful with those live electric cables you brought with you. In fact, where did you get those from? ALAN ... You ... You ... You ................. little t*t!!!
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